That's Gneiss! #119 ~ My amusement is your horror
Also: clowns and badgers, and commenting for everyone!
It’s quite possible that what amuses me horrifies you.
Take for example, my amusement with vintage recipes, especially those containing gelatin (wait - they were suggesting people should actually make those). I’m also amused with the things Janelle Shane does with neural nets. Combine the two and you end up with something like this…
Let me back up a few steps. Janelle rose to internet fame when she trained a neural net to create new names for paint colors (Part One, Part Two). Since then she’s provided many humorous and cringe-worthy AI creations including new insect species, shopping mall names, and college courses of the future. I’m planning my return to school now! This course load should keep me on my toes:
General Almosts of Anthropology
Ancient Anthlographychology
Numbling Hiss I
Survivery
The basic process for all of these is to feed some information into the neural net to “train” it, then tweak various settings to get output and see how well it has learned to create more of what it has been fed. There are also different neural nets that she works with, and they produce different results.
What’s a neural net, you ask? In short:
Neural nets are a means of doing machine learning, in which a computer learns to perform some task by analyzing training examples.
Talk to one here - input some text, and the neural net will finish it for you. I gave it a try (my input in bold).
Once you've opened the door, you're likely to see a flurry of activity in the gardens in the hallway. Please approach from the hallway and stay to the left until you see her. She is roughly with her hand under her chin, looking into the middle distance. If she is pointing her hand in the direction you wish to go, then ask her what she wants. If she asks what you'd like, then tell her "It's up to you". But be prepared to ask for what you want each time! If she is smiling, then show her you're happy. If she is holding her hands up for emphasis, then ask if she wants to go anywhere else or what you would like to do.
Let’s get back to the highly amusing (to me) work that Janelle Shane does with neural nets. Food and beverages are a great challenge for AI.
REALLY challenging.
The names for different foods aren’t too hard, and can give quite interesting results. Who among us would not like to try Fluffin Coffee Drops or Hallowy Maples? I have a coworker who likes to bake, and people were making a list on his whiteboard of things they would like him to make. I wrote Quitterbread Bars on the list and it was there for weeks before I finally fessed up to what it was. He got a good laugh, and I still occasionally insist he make them.
Recipes, on the other hand, are a much greater challenge. Which brings us back to where we started. After more than 800 crowd-sourced vintage recipes were fed into the neural net, the results were in.
Oh dear. Where is step one? What is a sponge oven? Dessicated, soft-bound proteins? Knif blenders?
The neural net seems to get the concept of recipes, in form anyhow. Ingredients, check. Prep instructions, check.
Gibberish, check.
Let’s try another.
Yikes. (I’m so sorry Em.)
Hope the weather cooperates indeed.
One more, this time with a folksy vibe.
Even your pet rabbit will be satisfied! Which is far better than sending your bunny out to sea in a narrow basket while you stand onshore in your best sailor’s outfit and hope for the best.
If you would like to read all about the latest neural net recipes, go here. If you want to see your pet subject tackled by the neural net, go here for an archive of all topics. Sports! Food! Halloween costumes! Fan fiction! Everyone is covered.
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I’m not finished quite yet. My amusements and your horrors would not be complete without some mention of clowns.
Have I mentioned CLOWNS?
In particular, the Clown Motel?
Michael and I stayed there a few years ago, on our way to the Matador 21 celebration.
GREAT NEWS - WE SURVIVED!
Even better news - there’s a new owner that will keep the motel going as a shrine to clowns!
When we stayed there it looked like this…
Very old school…
Look at it now!
Wowza! Look at those polka dots! The giant clown! The fine outdoor seating (a perfect place to eat clown pickles).
Now I want to go back and stay there again, but I don’t really have a reason to visit Tonopah, Nevada.
Well, there is the old mining cemetery that’s right next to the clown motel…
I guess for now I’ll just be happy with our upcoming trip to Ocean Shores. Several days of relaxing, running around on the beach, and exploring some new places. We’re all in need of this getaway. I’ll report back on the fun in next week’s newsletter.
Between now and then, I hope you all have a great week.
Tidbits
Las Marthas - the unusual Texas tradition of the Society of Martha Washington Colonial Pageant & Ball (including 100 pound dresses)
The demand for succulents drives a new crime wave.
Be Here Now, by Ram Dass is a book made almost entirely with rubber stamp images.
Looking for old book illustrations? Look no more!
Barons of Crap - a slightly scathing review of the book Billion Dollar Brand Club
Making: not much this week, but I should probably mend the dog’s toys…
Recently eaten: we tried a different place in our quest to find the best Chinese food in Everett - Hunan Palace. The best so far, but there are so many more to try. Michael did see somebody getting arrested in the lobby when he went to use the restroom…
Reading: slowly.
Videos of the Week
Les Filles de Illighadad - Taureg musicians from Niger
I learned about this band in the first issue of Maggot Brain.
This video showed up on Twitter Monday night and may be one of the best things to ever hit the site (in MY opinion). Coyotes and badgers hunt together, taking advantage of each other’s strengths to catch their prey. Also, they apparently like to go adventuring through culverts…
Question of the Week
If you feel like answering the question (or to just say hello), hit reply to this email. Answers will beshared next week - always anonymous. Don’t be shy!
WELL.
We are at an interesting place here. Substack, the host site of this newsletter, has just opened up commenting for everyone, on all posts. You no longer have to hit reply to the email - you can now post a comment directly on this post. We can go public with your answers to the question of the week, or we can keep them anonymous.
Do you have a preference?
I’m going to open up comments on all posts on matter what, but if you would like to keep the question of the week anonymous we can do that! Let me know what you think.
That said, this week’s question is:
What is your favorite roadside attraction?
Answer via email, or in the comments.
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Last week, I asked what you hated as a child but love now.
Nobody answered, so I assume you all loved everything as children and were not picky at all. Good for you!
(Liars)
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Ahhhh, James Lileks! I haven't been to his site in years! Thanks for bringing him back into my brain. I have an old copy of his Gallery of Regrettable Food. He's a master curator of kitsch!
You went to the CLOWN MOTEL 🤡 I'm so jealous!